The Badlands

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The Badlands is a Chaos themed Global Event released on April 12, 2019.

Timeline

  • Released: April 12, 2019
  • Rerun: May 22, 2020

Flavor Text

May 22, 2020 Rerun

Two days ago, some mysterious forces launched a surprise attack on the Battle Chamber. Most of the warriors got sucked into some kind of a wormhole, and it is believed that the Lord Protector was among them...

April 12, 2019 Release

The first space station Protector One has been successfully launched into low-orbit to help you monitor all the activities on Pangea. Some of your old foes are planning to respond by building an artifact capable of shooting that space station down! You've invested so much into this project, sir. You can't allow them to do this!

Featured Heroes

Chapter Requirements

May 22, 2020 Rerun

  • Victory over Players with specified Warlord: ?
  • Hero Promotion of specified Hero: Ball'Zt, the Warden

April 12, 2019 Release

  • Victory over Players with specified Warlord: ?
  • Hero Promotion of specified Hero: Ball'Zt, the Warden

Event Dialogue

Chapter 1

Merc
Merc: It’s been months since we last saw someone in the flesh.
Merc: Pun intended.
Lord Protector: I’ve heard worse.
Merc: Come on, fellas! Let’s mug this bone sack!
Lord Protector: You’re the one to talk, skullface.
...
Lord Protector: What is this place? It’s not Pangea, is it?
Merc: Because it's not, you moron! How come you’ve never heard of the Undead Mercs?
Lord Protector: I have. Thought they were all DEAD.
Merc: Well... Not in this realm, we’re not.
Lord Protector: What does that mean? Am I dead too? Is this some sort of the Afterlife?
Merc: You wish. Just a temporal pit stop. For guys like us, it’s the only place we can finally do whatever we want.


Lord Protector: I see. Let’s hope we won’t meet again.

Orc
Orc: Is that... No, it can’t be.
Orc: Though it sure looks like it... You’re the Lord Protector!
Lord Protector: No hugs, big guy. My ribs are totally broken.
Orc: It really is you. At last! I’ve been waiting for a chance to repay!
Lord Protector: On the other hand... Let’s hug!
...
Lord Protector: I remember you. They called you Axe, didn’t they?
Lord Protector: Thought you’d be much taller.
Orc: Looks can be deceiving, Lord Protector. You of all people should know that.
Lord Protector: Good to see you dead. How do I get out of here?
Orc: Do you really think that I’d stay here if I knew there was a way out of this place?
Lord Protector: Fair enough. I won’t bother you no more.

Red Ball
Lord Protector: I’m not supposed to be here. I’m needed back on Pangea. I'm her Lord Protector.
Red Ball: If you are who you claim you are, then you should know that there’s no way out of here.
Lord Protector: These are the Badlands, right?
Red Ball: Correct.
Lord Protector: This must be some kind of mistake.
Red Ball: There is none. You are very much dead, my lord. Deal with it for there’s no escape from the Badlands.
Lord Protector: I bet there is. And I’m not giving up. Not now, not ever.
...
Red Ball: You’re still quite powerful, I must give you that.
Lord Protector: I need to speak to the Warden. Where is he?
Red Ball: The Warden is unavailable at the moment. You can make an appointment. I’ll put you in the waiting list.
Lord Protector: How long will it take for him to see me?
Red Ball: Let’s see. Starting tomorrow... About 45 years and 2 months.
Lord Protector: That’s some good bureaucracy you’ve got yourselves here. Come on, fatty. Show me where to go.
Red Ball: Very well. I’ll show you. You see the exit sign?

Skullface
Skullface: They say that you start to really cherish your life only after you die.
Lord Protector: I’m not dead yet.
Skullface: Keep telling yourself that, Lord Protector.
Skullface: You know, I envy you. You still got flesh and skin. That’s what I miss the most about being alive. My face.
Skullface: Maybe I’ll just take yours for a spin!
Lord Protector: Back off!
...
Skullface: Good thing, you can’t hurt me.
Lord Protector: I wouldn’t be so sure.
Skullface: But what’s the point? I feel nothing. Nothing.
Lord Protector: You think I care? Just stay out of my way.
Skullface: I can’t make such promises, Lord Protector. You would understand if you were looking like me...
Lord Protector: Thank goodness I look nothing like you!

Lone Wolf
Lone Wolf: I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long. But I never really thought I’d see you here.
Lone Wolf: Never thought you’d be crazy enough to come here.
Lord Protector: Like I had any options.
Lone Wolf: Ah. Now I remember. I killed you for being so unbearably boring, didn’t I?
Lone Wolf: Now I have all eternity at my disposal. And I will enjoy torturing you every single second of it!
...
Lord Protector: We can keep fighting or you can just tell me where the Warden is.
Lone Wolf: I will tell you nothing!
Lone Wolf: One of my boys can’t wait to see you. He’s so fond of red meat. Says it tastes like chicken.
Lone Wolf: I really don’t know where the Warden is. These past few months, it’s been hell of a mess. Even by orcish standards.
Lord Protector: What happened?
Lone Wolf: A war happened. There is a huge conflict between the Warden and the Undead Mercs. Recently the Warden got holed up in his huge castle up North.
Lone Wolf: You should probably go pay him a visit. Though he usually dissolves his visitors in a drum of acid. At least, that’s what I heard.
Lord Protector: I think he’ll make an exception for me. Stay down, will ya?
Lone Wolf: We’re not finished, Lord Protector. In the Badlands, no matter what you do, the past always manages to catch up to you!

Chapter 2

Demon
Lord Protector: Come on, guys! No time to rest. We need to get to the Northern Castle ASAP.
Demon: The Northern Castle? Are you nuts?
Demon: Don’t you know what they do to people in there?
Lord Protector: ...Good things, I hope?
Demon: If the Warden finds out that I let you go, he will tear me apart! Cease your weapons, gentlemen.
Lord Protector: I've been called lots of things. "Gentleman" ain’t one of them.
Lord Protector: There’s nothing gentle about me.
...
Demon: I think I’m going to explode.


Lord Protector: Rest in pieces.

Undead
Undead: You’ve made a mistake, Lord Protector. The people of Ronstadt belong to us!
Lord Protector: They don’t look like they belong to anyone, skull.
Undead: You have much to learn about the Badlands, hero. This is our land. Our rules!
...
Lord Protector: Why did you attack Ronstadt?
Undead: Recently we’ve discovered the cure for my sickness. An herbal potion capable of maintaining my physical appearance and protecting bones from further degeneration.
Undead: We found the source of it. But they’re not willing to share.
Lord Protector: Maybe you should’ve asked them? Like a normal person would do.
Undead: The Undead Mercs never ask! They take!
Lord Protector: Suppose that’s why you’re all dead.

Tormentor
Tormentor: For so many years I’ve been putting up with you, Lord Protector.
Tormentor: But when I needed you the most, I couldn’t find you. And now my family is dead, all thanks to you.
Lord Protector: The meteor thing was an accident. And in case you were wondering, I had nothing to do with it.
Tormentor: Yeah, keep talking, smart guy. I will just keep coming. You will see the real torment!
Lord Protector: Seeing your ugly mug is already a torment enough.
...
Lord Protector: We’re closing in, guys. The Northern Castle is just up ahead.
Tormentor: No one has ever escaped from the Badlands.
Lord Protector: Then I’ll be the first one.

Gatekeeper
Gatekeeper: Halt! Who goes there?
Lord Protector: Lord Protector of Pangea. I’m here to see the Warden.
Gatekeeper: The Warden? Who told you that this would be a good idea? The circumstances are bad enough.
Lord Protector: I know there’s a war between those dead nutjobs and the Warden. I can help you out.
Gatekeeper: I repeat. The Warden is not taking any visitors.
Lord Protector: Then I have no other choice but to let myself in.
...
Lord Protector: Listen. I know that I’m not dead. There must be a reason why I was brought in here.
Gatekeeper: Follow me. I’ll introduce you to the Warden.
Lord Protector: Finally! Let’s sort these things out!

The Risen
The Risen: Took you long enough to get here, Lord Protector.
Lord Protector: Where’s the Warden?
The Risen: Questions. You just can’t help it, can you?
The Risen: The Warden’s not here. And this castle is mine now.
Lord Protector: Is it though?
...
Lord Protector: You need to stop this war immediately.
The Risen: But why? War is the only thing that keeps me going, Lord Protector.
The Risen: Every day I feel less and less emotional. And you know what happens when I pierce someone with an arrow?
The Risen: I feel joy! I feel ALIVE! The first time I did it here... Well, I thought: hey, no one really dies in the Badlands! There must be a reason for that!
The Risen: And I had this silly idea. What if I start a war? Just for hell of it! Battles every day. An endless war! Can you imagine?
Lord Protector: Sounds like an MMO video game to me.
The Risen: And maybe, just maybe, I’ll find someone who’ll be able to kill me. Sometimes I think I'm cursed to live forever.
Lord Protector: No, if you keep messing with me. No, you won’t.
The Risen: You better run now, Lord Protector because soon my guys will arrive and they will leave no stone unturned.

Chapter 3

Vigilante
Vigilante: You know, a few years ago I was just like you. Trying to find my way home.
Vigilante: But then I realized that I’m too scared to head back. There’s nothing waiting for me except for the dead.
Vigilante: And who’s waiting for you? You don't have any relatives, as far as I know.
Lord Protector: I have my butler. And the people of Pangea.
Vigilante: Rich and powerful, you don’t get them. To you, they’re nothing but peasants. Including me.
Lord Protector: Congrats. You’ve successfully cultivated the inferiority complex.
Vigilante: Laugh while you still can. Because soon you won’t be able to.
...
Vigilante: And what are you going to do now? You can’t kill me. Not here.
Lord Protector: Oh, I'm not going to kill you. But I've been thinking about freezing you. Just to make you stay out of my way...
Vigilante: Freezing me? I'm not easy with low temperatures.
Lord Protector: And I'm not easy with guys poking my face with sharp objects. I get skin irritation because of that.
Vigilante: Hey, no! Wait! No freezing, please! I... I’m gonna tell you where the Warden is!


Lord Protector: Then speak. And don’t try to fool me or soon you'll feel very cold inside...

Vangelis
Lord Protector: The orc told me where to find you, Vangelis.
Vangelis: You seek the Warden. Unfortunately, I must keep this information to myself.
Lord Protector: The Undead Mercs are waging war against you and your kind. I could help you with them.
Vangelis: We do not require your help.
Lord Protector: Okay. No deals then. Let’s move on to the fun part!
...
Lord Protector: I have a proposition. I’ll deal with Yorik and his crew and you’ll show me to the Warden.
Vangelis: Okay, I admit it. We may have a problem. Those undead mercenaries are messing us up big time.
Vangelis: But how can you kill someone in a place where everyone lives forever?
Lord Protector: I have an idea or two. So what, do we have a deal?
Vangelis: Yes. We have a deal. Help us and I'll arrange the meetings with the Warden.

Yorik
Yorik: Ah. The Lord Protector and his little friends.
Yorik: Are you here for another session of senseless bloodshed?
Lord Protector: No. I’m here to end you. Simple as that.
Yorik: And what makes you think you’ll succeed this time?
Lord Protector: I brought a shredder.
...
Yorik: No, please! I don’t want to die!
Lord Protector: Are you sure? Because yesterday you said something about death. Well, here I am.
Yorik: No, I... I just wanted to feel something! Anything! Please, don’t do this to me! I will stop! I deserve a second chance!
Lord Protector: Sorry, pal. You had, what, five chances to set things right?
Yorik: If you spare me, I will tell you a secret about the orc guy!
Lord Protector: A secret? Well, I love secrets. Fine. What is this?
Yorik: Just promise me you won’t tell him...

Axe
Axe: Fool! You should have killed me when you had your chance!
Axe: You think all this armor is going to protect you?
Lord Protector: Thanks for the idea, by the way. I will cut you into many pieces once I’m done with your face!
Lord Protector: And I'll still be more good-looking than you!
...
Axe: You... Defeated me?
Lord Protector: Surprised? Well, I’m gonna surprise you even more... You remember Yorik, the Risen One?
Lord Protector: Turns out he's the one who killed you in that battle. And yes, he died the same day, just moments after he shot you.
Axe: That’s... Thanks for letting me know. I think that... I think that me and him, we need to talk.
Axe: But I still think that you deserve punishment. You didn’t save my family.
Lord Protector: Yes. And I'm truly sorry. I mourn every soul I couldn't save. But you do realize that I can't be everywhere at once, don't you?
Axe: I... I understand. So what are you going to do now?
Lord Protector: I will speak to the Warden. And yes... Would you like to return to Pangea and, well, be alive again?
Axe: They say that a smart man knows when to quit. Pangea doesn’t need me. But she needs you, her only Lord Protector.
Lord Protector: I wish you luck, my friend.

Ball'Zt
Lord Protector: Warden Ball’Zt. You're a hard demon to find.
Ball'Zt: Are you even familiar with the concept of dying?
Lord Protector: Can’t say that I am, Ball'Zt. I’ve been brought to the Badlands against my will.
Ball'Zt: Ah. Yes. Indeed, you were. I sort of required your services.
Lord Protector: You wanted me to get rid of Yorik. But you couldn't ask me directly. You knew I'd say no.
Ball'Zt: Yes. But you did your part. What an unexpected turn of events!
Ball'Zt: So yes, I was ready to bring you back to life but then I realized that you may be of a greater use to me.
Lord Protector: I’m not your pet, Ball’Zt. I have my kingdom to rule, my people to protect, my... food to eat.
Ball'Zt: Pangea can take care of herself. I don't think anyone will ever miss your presence back there.
Lord Protector: Can I go home now, Ball’Zt? Or do I need to let your air out first?
Ball'Zt: Careful with your threats. Unlike me, you’re only a human. But me? Here, I am GOD!
...
Lord Protector: And you dare calling yourself a god? Such low standards for a demon.
Ball'Zt: You want to go home? Fine! There’s a portal behind my back! Use it and we will never see each other again!
Lord Protector: No. First, you will listen.
Ball'Zt: Listen to what?
Lord Protector: I can’t trust you with such power, Ball’Zt. The Badlands are very displeased with your reign.
Ball'Zt: But I've been ruling this place long before you were even born you punk!
Lord Protector: Things need to change around here. It doesn’t matter who these guys were before. It's in your best interests to do something for them.
Ball'Zt: Yeah? Like what?
Lord Protector: They need to stay busy. It will keep their minds off your neck. Hire Yorik as your court jester. Give Axe a farm and a family, someone to care about.
Ball'Zt: It hadn't even occurred to me. You think this will work?
Lord Protector: Let's hope so. Because if it won't, I’ll be back in a couple months. If their lives don't improve soon...
Lord Protector: ...You'll see me get angry. And you won't like it.

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